So, I've already proven that I am not very good at this blogging thing. I started this over 4 months ago & forgot how to even get back to it. Some things have changed since I first started this blog. Let's see...
Chaz turned 3! I can hardly believe that he is 3 now. It was just yesterday that he was born...my tiny little man. Now he seems so grown up. He is so smart...and SO funny. We're deep into potty training now. I'm so proud of him when he makes it & so frustrated when he doesn't. I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard! Especially when he will NOT poop on the potty. Ugh! I'm so tired of cleaning poop out of underwear!! Everyone keeps telling me to just be patient, that he will get it eventually. I sure hope they're right!
Ethan is walking now...and falling a LOT! The poor boy is so bruised up that I think some people secretly wonder what's happening. He's such a joy at times and at other times, he is so demanding & draining that I wonder how I will ever get anything else accomplished. I have found a book that is all about him! This has helped a little. It is Dr. Sear's book, The Fussy Baby. I guess Ethan is a high-needs baby. It's not a bad thing, just makes life a little harder to manage.
And there's something else going on that makes life harder to manage. Yesterday, I was FINALLY diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. I have been struggling since about a month after Ethan was born (he's almost 11 months old now). A lot of my symptoms are also symptoms that I had when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, so I was thinking that my thyroid was just severely out of balance. But no matter how much my meds were adjusted, nothing has helped long-term. Yesterday, I went to see a new doctor. I told him some of my symptoms. He was ready to just order the thyroid bloodwork & a CBC (to try to determine my fatigue), when I asked him if it could be that what I'm going through is not my thyroid at all, but maybe undiagnosed PPD. He said that it was entirely possible. He started asking me questions & as I answered them, I started crying and got very jittery. He said that after talking to me for a few minutes that he's almost certain that I've hit it right on the head. He prescribed Zoloft, which I will start today. I am looking forward to looking forward to things again, instead of dreading each day. I can't wait to feel like me again. I'm not sure I remember who I am, but I know that I miss me. I am looking forward to not yelling at my children & my husband. I can't wait to have the energy to get things done. To sleep again will be amazing! (I have terrible insomnia, so I get, on a good night, about 5 hours of broken sleep-Ethan still gets up in the night to eat). MAYBE, just maybe, I'll get motivated to get some exercise & eat properly again. I'm sure loosing some of this excess weight would make me feel worlds better too.
So, I guess that's me...sad, depressed, unmotivated, angry...and at the same time HOPEFUL...hopeful that this medication (thought I hate taking medicine) will help me find myself again...the me that laughed, played, sang, danced and loved her family.
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